春天

      早上很開心的在六點起來，終於告別一團混亂的組織了，大大鬆一口氣。雖然覺得自己有點現實、有點壞。在交代離開的原因時，還不經意地鼓吹還想留下來做事的大家離開，因為覺得社長付出的能力和心力實在少得太誇張，有點不滿。也許這樣的想法也許有點嚴苛，但總覺得沒有想要把事情做好決心就不要隨便承擔責任，不然只會讓別人很辛苦。賴了很早的床，然後出門跑步。路上聽到了清脆的鳥叫、房間出現慢慢爬行的小蟲、路上的工人在清掃防滑用的小石頭，朋友也說現在看起來是春天要來了，雖然早得有些不尋常。總之，今天很愉快，下課之後去超市添購食材、去火車站和銀行處理買票的事情，下個禮拜的假期要去附近的城市走走看看！回到悠閒愉快的交換生本分，真是太好了。

quitting

      It was a long Thursday. One of the class has ended, and I was doing trivial tasks and making some contacts. We invited the secretary of the Development Policy Committee under the Ministry of Foreign Affair to discuss with us about human rights, but there were only one participant who wasn't from AIESEC, and four of us who is, which I regarded as embarrassing. In the beginning of this term, I feel lost and failed to seek for a way to treat the problems lying in this organization. Disappearing is allowed no matter when. Meetings can be without minutes and deadlines. Documentation and evaluation is usually forgotten. Everyone is doing something, but nobody knows exactly what. And the most serious of all, the problems are left in oblivion because we want to be positive. As much situation as I saw, I decided not to stay any longer. There are too many things which is out of my expectation, too much freedom without rule, and too much chaos without coordination. So I stated my reason and left, right after the poor event. I can't keep doing things which I recognize anymore, and felt released after sending the quitting mail. There are people who I owe a lot, and people I want to blame for irresponsible behaviors. Now I know how negative image spread out of an organization and how easily things can turn into a mess. It require enough people's effort to really create something valuable, but I don't think my effort can create any long term benefit. Got my time back and give the best wishes after saying goodbye, no turning back.

暫時

      今天早上去警察局領完了錢，警察先生是室友應該會喜歡的型，他和我說女孩很高興我沒有繼續追究，然後應該也不會再犯了。中午和曾經在兒童保護機構工作的芬蘭朋友吃飯的時候討論了這件事，她說這應該是對大家最好的結局了，接下來應該會有社福機構介入處理。另一個朋友也覺得警察和家人都知道這件事之後，接下來也許可以用比較緩和的方式處理，也不用刻意再讓她的資料裡多一筆污痕。

      峰迴路轉之後，看起來好像很幸運的得到暫時的美滿呢！把腳踏車牽去補胎、聯絡五月被取消的航班、上課開會，決定不要再混亂的誇張的社團裡努力了。準備下禮拜放假去其他的城市看看，好棒！

Helsinki

       It was cloudy in the morning, but the sun suddenly came out when we get back from Suomalinna. There were more snow and more grass on the island, and hopefully the wind wasn't too strong so that we can take a walk without coldness. We visited the children museum, which is a mix of playground and museum, and children were having fun there!

       We ate at the student restaurant, the food wasn't superb but was satisfying. We took a little walk to the south in the afternoon sunshine, and said goodbye at the bus station. I went on to be ready for my meeting, I don't know when will be the next time I can see my classmate, maybe in the commencement. I am grateful for their visit even though sometimes we are as silent as the city, I still tried to show the best of Helsinki. The best part in this city is not things or attractions, but people and their dreams, and the way people strive to be honest and kind at the same time.

設計學校

      今天的天氣還不錯呢！今天的行程有些趕，早上先去了阿爾托大學的藝術學院，每層樓都有可愛的小小展覽可以看，學校雖然很小，工作環境卻很不錯。在iittala買了一個可愛的碗，然後去Hakeniemi逛傳統市場，喝了很香但是完全不辣的辣味番茄湯，不小心把沾麵包的橄欖油倒進湯裡，讓它變得花花綠綠的有點逗趣。

      喝完湯再坐車去吃海鷗食堂！裡面依然很多亞洲客人，吃了好大一盤的魚排跟馬鈴薯很飽。一起回旅社，收拾完行李就再來到火車站跟呱呱道別了，下次見面也許是三四個月後，那時候不知道大家會在哪裡、做著甚麼。四天在赫爾辛基一下就過了，景點很小很分散，但是希望這些小小的迷人的地方會在大家心裡留下一點印象。

photography

      We started our trip a little late because of the lack of communication and sunshine. We went to the Rock Church with other tourists at around noon, there were elegant and cheerful piano music playing in the big round hall. I wonder what makes it a better place to visit, which makes normal people want to take photo with, sit for a short while or look around. We went for another photography exhibition right after and there were quite a lot of people. I saw lovely senior couples holding hands, looking at the photos and talking to each other. There were a little blond boy with lots of coins in hand and is busy putting them into his pocket.

      We visited the famous little coffee house Regatta, which is located in the west coastline of Helsinki. The weather wasn't nice enough to make the view pretty and the wind was cold and strong, but we enjoyed our afternoon tea there. Such a popular and small cafe like this will definitely have copycats who provide exactly the same product if it were in Taiwan, but maybe there are just too little people here to attract another coffee house.

      We took a look at the Helsinki in the '50s at another photography exhibition in Helsinki city museum. The scenery was similar to our present day, just that there used to be more wooden houses. We window-shopped a street with some lovely shops because they are all closed on Sunday and went home to cook dinner. My roommate took us to a karaoke gay bar, and we listened to some Finnish song, both old and new ones, sang by drunk or sober people.

博物館日

      今天早上睡晚了些，發現好天氣又不見了，路上一片霧濛濛的，還下著雨。既然天氣不好，就來個博物館一日遊吧！我們先搭地鐵、再淋了一小段路的雨去了攝影博物館，途中誤闖了一個工作室，然後因為我硬要用芬蘭文問路，雖然裡面的人很好心的回答了我，最後還是沒有完全聽懂所以要用網路查，花了一些時間終於找到。在溫暖的展場裡看了許多照片、明信片還有一段雜七雜八的剪接紀錄片。

      接著前往設計博物館，路上經過一些家飾店和藝廊，這個城市似乎真的有很多靠藝術維生的活動，真是挺不可思議的！我們在博物館裡閒晃、用剪刀剪下塑膠牛奶盒做成花燈的裝飾，館員看我們很認真所以幫我們拍照，呱呱不小心在鑽洞的時候弄傷了手。離開藝術博物館，前往海鷗食堂！可惜這裡居然周末兩天都休息，於是空手而歸。慢慢走回市區，回家拿了食材和啤酒去旅社一起煮飯。吃飽之後原本要去一個國際學生的音樂派對，沒想到一走進會場，只看到十幾個人安靜的坐在沙發上，看起來有些無助，感覺氣氛不太對，於是決定果斷地離開。超市已經過了賣酒的時間，只好回去旅社樓下，一邊喝一邊看挪威的CSI，看到吧檯關門。回家之後很睏很睏，簡單梳洗之後就睡了！

Design District Helsinki

      I took my friend to the design district for shopping, the weather was mild and nice and A LITTLE SUNNY! It was the brightest day I have ever experienced, feeling really grateful. We visited several interesting galleries and shops, ( followed a queue into a "club-sale" of a clothes shop) and it feels good to be able to become a tourist once again. I went to class and meeting, and we cooked spicy hotpot and eat all night. We even cooked bubble tea, and the pearl has improved this time! Went home and rest, full and satisfied!

接公車

      早上去了芬蘭科技課的討論課，除了要報告的同學之外，在一開始的十五分鐘內我居然是唯一來上課的同學。覺得有點不可思議，要報告的同學有點尷尬，不過老師似乎沒有太介意，只是輕描淡寫的說「大概大家知道可以缺席個幾次，剛好都挑在今天了」。接著處理的一些社團的事，就去公車站接機場來的公車！天啊，真是好久沒有看到同屆的人了，各種開心！今天也沒有去哪裡，先隨意走走、大逛了兩家超市、吃了赫爾辛基的速食，就回家休息！

Efficient

      I have been super efficient today! Working hard to get as much work done as I can for Taiwanese friends exchanging in Sweden and South Korea is coming to visit me! I wrote almost three lecture diaries, went to one meeting and made some trivial contacts.

      When I read about our aboriginal people's situation, read about the places on the small Island, or the different situation in East Asia, I really want to appear to be there and know more, so that I can tell more about ourselves, so that the world know more about us and also we the world! I know so little about this place which I love as a home, but still I have to be patient, patient, patient. I am already on my way of seeking when I really feel the urge, just keep going!

桌遊

      思考完沉重的社會案件之後，還是說點輕鬆的事情吧。今天是一個星期中課最多的星期二，一共有兩堂！雖然這兩天的芬蘭文課人都很少，卻都充滿歡樂！德國好朋友帶了自己烤的肉桂麵包和瑞士小可頌來給我吃，我就只好在小遲到還大吃東西的不好意思中趕快吃完、跟她說謝謝，然後專心上課。老師在講完文法之後讓大家玩桌遊。一個是可以說話的比手畫腳遊戲，紙牌上的字都是很基礎的名詞，只是大家都很堅持要用講的解釋，光是想就要想很久。另外一個是在芬蘭旅行的遊戲，很像是沒有買賣關係的大富翁，比賽誰最快去過列表中的六個地點了之後回到原點，中間走到某些地方的時候，要抽機會卡片，讓預期之外的事發生。

      一邊忙著社團的事、一邊很想回到念書跑步的生活，可是只要感覺到責任在身上就不由自主的會一直準備、反覆計畫著，擔心漏掉了甚麼重要的細節。在柯柯呱呱來訪之前，把可以準備的事準備好，然後就可以大玩了！Work hard, play hard!

police 2

      Things has developed in a way which I have never expected. I was seeking to be teased, scolded, and laughed at, but instead everyone comforted me and encourage me not to give up on helping others. How much am I being spoiled! No matter what, I decide to forgive them and forgive myself. I got a call from the police this morning to say that they would stop the investigation because of insufficient evident and resource, but after I tell them that several of my Taiwanese friends also experienced similar things, the policeman started considered this is not only a single case, but a repeated model. He discussed with superior official and ask for more details about the girl I met.

      He called several times during this morning. I was busy working on plans for a team meeting and a seminar which will be on next Thursday. Suddenly, I got a call from "Anna" and she said she wants to pay me back but hope I can cancel the report, another boy also spoke to me. I tried to record the phone call but didn't make it in time, but it seems that the police has found the right person. Of course I want my money back, but they should be responsible for their illegal attempt and stop cheating other people. The policeman agree with my decision also. Well, if they are able to stop doing this somehow, I wouldn't mind even if they are not able to pay me back. But how can I know which option is the right one to help them, to make them better people?

      As a foreigner in Finland, I guess it's better to leave the decision to the society and just follow the rule. The policeman tell me the interrogation will be at someday next week, and he will inform me later. Finnish police is excellently efficient, or I have been extraordinarily lucky. Although the trust for their police system is also one of the reasons I helped them, I have never expected for this. Finished my work and went to Finnish class, everything is back to normal after this little disturbance. I feel grateful for all the support I received, and hope I can have a calmer and clearer understanding of the situation and give more reasonably next time.

LAS 第三天

      昨天的派對一直開到今天凌晨，大家完全無法起來、議程只好延後半小時。在主席的開場之後，我們進入分組討論的時間。幾乎所有來迎新的新成員都對打電話給公司的部門比較有興趣，不過我們的部門也來了兩個很認真可愛的新組員，一個森林系的俄羅斯女生和一個資工系的奈及利亞男生，另外還有兩個沒有來迎新的芬蘭女生。

      來自奈及利亞的男生在面的時候說了他喜歡哲學、喜歡反思，然後在過程中不止一次稱讚我們的活動很棒，讓我心虛極了。俄羅斯女生也很可愛，她很喜歡大自然、喜歡芬蘭壯壯的男生，在活動中很積極主動的投入，但不會搶著出風頭。私心很喜歡他們的態度，在活動結束之後，也很自然的一起幫忙搬東西回去社辦，加上他們兩個人在來時的公車上聊得很開心，之後應該可以合作愉快吧！

      在開始進行分組計畫的時候出了一點意外，我原本想要介紹我們目前的發展，然後看新成員有甚麼樣的構想。可是當時才剛介紹完工作流程，有些疲憊，當一個幹部問我待會的計畫時，我看起來像是毫無準備。他很擔心如果新成員沒有分配到工作就會很失望、沒有歸屬感然後漸漸淡出，於是立刻在十分鐘內跟我討論出一份把籌備到一半的活動延後、讓工作可以重新分配的計畫。

      我自己也有點太容易被說服了，當時還沉浸在這兩天兩夜「天啊，真是一團亂」的失望和茫然中。在計畫雛型出來之後，在人事幹部的主導之下和新成員一起開始著手籌備，可是漸漸覺得不對勁。雖然我當時需要幫助，但是把工作全部交給別人卻不是個好辦法，畢竟原本的計畫屬於我們舊有的團隊，不應該說變就變，雖然時間有點緊湊，但大家還是想試試看。

      因此在跟另一位認真的舊組員、遠在台灣的組長討論過後，決定要取消新訂的計畫。在到達市區之後當面和幹部說，我們不想採用新訂的計畫，他聽到之後看起來很失望。之前討論的一小時最後其實沒有實際用處，我向他道歉，關於沒有及時提出我們的意見，然後很感謝他當時想要幫忙的誠意。幸好他也寬宏大量，可以接受我很努力傳達的歉意，說清楚之後，看起來好像沒有那麼難過了。

      回家之後，向室友確認，「用心準備」應該不論在哪個文化之下，都是值得採取的工作態度才對。就算是旅行出遊也需要一定程度的計畫和準備呀！這幾天的混亂，還有大家絲毫不介意、也沒有檢討的心態快要讓我價值混淆了！雖然有許多不滿，卻反而花了許多時間準備第一次開會的內容和流程，在自己不認同的名目之下盡責付出，實在是有點矛盾。感覺一開始需要多用點心力，等到團隊步上軌道、慢慢培養出默契之後就更能享受合作過程了！在歷經混亂之後，終於重新感到期待。

LAS 一二天

      星期五去了警察局、上課、開心的視訊完之後，心不甘情不願的前往迎新，開始了混亂的兩天兩夜LAS!

      第一天晚上搭著巴士前往小木屋，一開始的秩序還不錯，主席的談吐十分流利，社長介紹了社團的歷史，然後大家玩耍。大家討論起拍恐怖片的計畫，還跑到旁邊的小山丘上健行。
沒有場勘的結果就是：到了小木屋之後，水忽然停了，好像需要特殊的操作、加上兩個小時的等待才能開始用水。小木屋有廁所但沒有淋浴間，所以大家第一天都沒洗澡，不過也沒有太多人抱怨、真是太配合了。

      缺少規畫就會需要很多的彈性和臨場發揮、組織、配合，也可以說是一種練習，雖然自己實在無法認同這樣的標準和態度，也只能盡量面對現實然後全力以赴，面對可能的突發狀況。

      第二天歷經了緊湊的議程，從組織價值、業務到模擬，大家都很努力的撐到議程結束。之後一起去洗了桑拿，一個男生實驗性質的把木頭加到微溫的爐子裡，沒想到溫度真的就慢慢升高，熱呼呼的蒸氣很舒服。我們把自己烤到很溫暖之後，跑去湖邊的冰上趴下，感覺不太冷，實際上也應該真的不太冷。回來小木屋躺在床墊上，溫馨的擠在一起看恐怖片，太多人一起看好像就不太有人會被嚇到。之後還有PARTY，我可以體會大家沒有跳舞就實在不會盡興，可是自己實在不想熬夜了，於是就睡覺去。

police

      I guess everything is pretty much decided when they are standing at the stopped elevator and didn't give a way for me to pass by.

      Instead, the two girls talks in Finnish straightly to me and repeated in English to say that they missed their coach and their money is stolen, but they need to go back to Tampere. They explained what happened in broken English about one boy and a lady with luggage case who took their money away. They promised to pay me back once they get home in 3 hours. I decided to help them because

1) I considered it as an emergency

2) I was too stupid and kind to believe the possibility that this is an emergency

      I tried to take precaution, asking for their contact information and ID, but I have been too nervous that I get only two names, a phone number and a address. They said that they don't want to ask for help from the police because they will be recorded as having "social problem". They did look to have social problem, but that doesn't have so much to do with the reason I chose to help them, and whenever I help people I help them out...

      So I give them the ticket money they needed, buy them food in the supermarket because they said that they haven't been eating for a whole day.

      I was judging the situation all the time, there were several times when I want to get my money back and leave them alone, but I guess changing the decision make be even more difficult than making one.

      There was no hope left until I heard that my roommate and my friend have also met people asking them for ticket money, and I found that the address wasn't in a valid form.

      I slept with the thought that I should have notice that earlier and trust the decision of other Finnish who rejected helping them.
     
      And this morning I checked my account, which has no incoming transfer, went straight to the police station and made a record.

      This sounds ridiculous and inevitable at the same time, but I think it's just another expansive lesson, so I'll try to get over this and move on to Valentine's day, Local AIESEC Seminar and everything else!

善良或者愚蠢

      今天一早出門居然忘記帶手機了！所以沒有拍下霧濛濛的天空。早上準時到了課堂、順利的完成分組報告，討論了許多和芬蘭生物科技產業相關的現況。然後幫一個想出國的學生面試，下午準備周末迎新的分組時間。接著就遇到了怪事。

      在走出圖書館的路上，往下的手扶梯停止了，有兩個女生也停在入口的地方，在我靠近之後也沒有要讓開的意思。正當我要開口借過的時候，他們反而先用一串芬蘭文問我，我尷尬地表示聽不懂，然後她們用破破的英文說她們的錢被偷了、錯過巴士可是需要坐火車回Tampere，問我可不可以借她們錢，等她們回家就會匯款還我。她們需要五十歐元，我表示自己沒有那麼多，她們看我願意幫忙，問我可不可以去ATM領錢。她們試著形容她們遇到的小男生、還有一個帶行李箱的女士，但她們的英文不是很好，有點難溝通。我問了她們怎麼不去警察局，她說警察局的人會記錄她們的「社會問題」，所以她們不想找警察幫忙，然後也沒有任何芬蘭人要幫她們。我不知道是不是該幫忙，可是如果要幫的話就只有幫到底了，我要了她們的姓名、電話和地址，本來想要抄一下證件上有的資料，可是沒有堅持。她們看起來不是很有教養，可是也不像是只想騙錢。在我幫她們湊齊車錢之後，她們問我可不可以買東西給她們吃，在超市裡決定了很久，然後沒有誠實地貼上把沙拉秤完總重量的標籤。

      這是一個困難的決定，中間一度因為她們的態度很差，很想要把錢拿回來丟下她們不管，可是這真是太困難了！就算眼前看起來就是兩個不良少女，只要想到萬一她們真的只是想回家，卻無法得到任何人願意幫忙，就完全不忍心。最後她們拿了寫上總共欠款的收據，說等她們晚上回家之後就會匯款到我的帳戶，然後向我道謝。大不了就是明天換我需要跑去警察局做筆錄，不知道明天去看帳戶金額的時候會是怎樣的情形呢？好緊張。

drizzle

      It a drizzling day! Every gloomy day feel as long as a week, but either I'll get used to it or it will improve soon. Feeling like to talk and react slowly so that I can fit into these long long days haha. But I'll be a good girl to finish my work in time, like I discussed hard with my group member about the paper which I get to understand after reading it for the third time. I don't know whether it is too hard, too boring or it is me simply not paying attention. Hopefully none of that seems to happen to my classmate so we figured everything out!

      The number of Finnish class is coming to an historical low point of 5 people. We are like a study group and maybe it would be nice to go out together to a field trip. After the class finished, my roommate and I bought a bottle of sparkle wine, cooked and ate rapidly and went to Mei's birthday party! There were lots of her classmates there and we waited for her together in a calm and a little weird atmosphere... And we played funny games, ate, drank, danced, and sang together! I didn't go to another party with everyone else although the people were nice. Sleeping to be ready working for another tomorrow!

地獄

      今天最痛快的事情就是上課的時候跟朋友一起抱怨今年不會冷、沒有雪、沒有光的冬天真是令人討厭，然後神奇的是講完之後感覺就沒那麼糟了。幾乎每個來芬蘭交換的人都會被問到一個經典問題，「為什麼要來芬蘭？」，好像這其中有甚麼誤會一般。冬天的日子的確很難熬，有很多芬蘭人其實不喜歡這樣的天氣或是居住環境，覺得很無聊苦悶。可是也有些外國人來交換過之後，再跑回來念碩士，因為喜歡上了這個單純善良的地方。室友總會開玩笑說芬蘭是地獄，如果真的是的話，也是一個住著天使的地獄！

speak

   
      Waking up half an hour late under pale sunlight, it is abnormally warm. I decide to keep taking pictures even though the gray sky look unattractive and depressing, maybe that could be something worth remembering, too. There are some greenness exploding from the melting snow, unbelievable. It's the spring coming? We shared our favorite winter in the Finnish class, some say snowy, mild, sunny and one said long, cold and dark. Sounds like a typical Nordic winter, although this year is pretty unusual. Wish to complete something and feel relaxed talking to people!

甦醒

      昨天睡太多了，導致今天有許多工作要做。很久沒有跑步、也很久沒有看到太陽了，地上濕濕滑滑的，不過只要很慢、很小心，其實也不會太危險。一路上遇到了好多出門跑步、散步的人。在回家過馬路的路上，馬路右線的一台車停下讓我先過，但是直到聽到剎車聲我才發現另外一線的車原本沒有打算減速，就這樣驚險的停下來，尷尬的快速通過。

      處理了許多工作，晚上開會，要迎接新成員有些緊張，不知道他們會不會在這裡找到他們想要學習的東西、遇見他們樂於相處的人。我們為了組織的架構爭論了好一會，不確定怎樣的分工方式可以讓未來的大家更順利的合作。回家煮飯，吃完的時候已經過了兩個小時，怎麼花了這多時間？原本來想要念點書，但是晚上專心地討論讓我有點疲倦，於是早早去睡了。

clean

     
      Waking up with a little dizziness, but it was less serious than I thought! Cleaning and resting on bed for the whole day, feeling very secure and clean. Time passed by and I got better. I don't know why people would want to drink that much if they might experience the nausea like this! I don't feel like eating or drinking anything except for water, as if I am ready to be fasting. No matter what, I am recovering anyway!

大喝

      今天又是灰灰的一天，早上和組員一起討論完報告之後，就在圖書館軟軟的椅子上，把法文課睡掉了。一直到了要開會的時間，和大家一起認真的把可以處理的事情討論完，錯過了一個派對，然後想回家休息。沒想到回家就直接加入了另外一個小聚會，是室友跟兩個好姊妹們在家裡一起看著冬季奧運的轉播，可是長長的開幕讓大家很不耐煩，所以就關掉電視開始喝酒！我們把卜克牌繞成一個環狀，然後輪流抽牌，每張牌都有不同的指令，讓環狀破掉的人要喝一口。

      一路喝得很開心，看著室友和一個很不會喝的芬蘭人開始變得輕飄飄，我和另外一個芬蘭姊妹還保持著清楚的意識。他們要去club之前很想找我一起去，可是我就很想要待在家裡，正在想辦法推託的過程中，不小心吐了出來。大概是喝的太急，身體還反應不過來吧。雖然有點不太舒服，可是這樣子至少可以名正言順地待在家裡休息，聽了有經驗的建議乖乖喝水和嘔吐，慢慢的可以行動了之後，把弄髒的地方稍微整理一下，就放心地去休息了。

Coincidence

      I dreamed about going home this morning, I were home hugging my dog and I were discussing with my parent about how to reach home at the same time. We thought about taking bus but there seemed to be a quarrel with the bus company, nothing make sense for a dream.
     
      Went to the discussion for my class at the right time finally, and met a girl who used to study at NEHS as well! What a coincidence! I guess for those who moves around often, the world is just too small for them so they have to met here and there.

      Watched a documentary about a plan for an eco-city in China, a developer who is very into environmentally friendly ideas wants to build the tallest, fastest, greenest building to contain the population of a whole city. He thinks that saving the planet is everyone's responsibility and life quality doesn't need to be sacrificed for that. I think it is overly simplistic to say that the plan has only good sides and is definitely worth investing, but maybe sometimes people have to say stupid words to make things done. However personally, I wouldn't want to live in that kind of "city" which is combusted and everything can be done indoors. Designing a system like that is to suggest a living style like that, and it is scary.

      Visited a volunteer fair, got my LED light bulb which takes 2W but is as bright as a 15W bulb from Clas Ohlson, and went home for a good rest.

生日！

      今天是芬蘭大詩人Runebergin的生日，大家都要吃一種叫Runebergin Torttu的蛋糕，聽說這是他太太發明的食譜，他每天都要吃這個配Punch當早餐。跟我們吃粽子紀念屈原好像喔！

      這天也是一個特別的日子，雖然我知道這個日子還不到一年，可是我的生命卻因為二十三年前的這天，變得不一樣了。

      以一種冷靜的口吻，挑出值得描述的片刻，細細的紀錄自己每天的生活，每天每天，都只是為了用最貼近的角度，讓關心的人可以知道我還平安，僅此而已。過程中不論遇到甚麼，在敘述的當下，高低起伏的快樂和失望都已經被堅決的思念編成一股細細的線，只能輕輕的飄著，但是絕不會斷掉。雖然在軍中，只有周末能夠看到消息，還是會想要把所有的點滴很仔細地照日期排好，讓人可以一打開頁面就立刻清楚的參與日子裡的大事、小事。

      就好像認識了一個人之後，希望可以每天都有所聯繫一般。就好像可以天天一起去跑步、一起吃飯、一起散步、一起探索小地方一般。我想我可以這樣子維持紀錄的習慣，都是因為今天生日的楊民。

      見面彷彿已經是很久以前，畢竟我們大概七百年前就認識了。所以可以在兩次交談之後就分享了一個禮拜的早餐，在沒有手機號碼也沒有臉書的條件下約了兩個月的會，在五六個時區之外交換每周一封的信件直到現在。所有的決定都很自然、很固執、很簡單。

      我們在雨後猶陰的的天氣裡一起去尋找巷子裡的二手書店，回來的路上你讓我騎了你的公路車，大概在我想問你的片刻猶豫之前。你從背包裡拿出工具把椅墊調低，然後說我的腿很長。

      我們在清晨的校園裡慢跑，然後吃遍附近的早餐店，可是依然還沒吃完。

      在你的畢業典禮的早餐，從你的家人口中知道了你還不會說話時就有的個性。

      在騎腳踏車去烏來的早上睡過了頭，然後在山上的涼亭裡再小睡一下，旁邊的樹叢裡滿是粉蝶棲息。

      在登機當天的早上，跟著你一起到了入伍的門口，你的背包裡有八月的第一個信封，而箱子裡還有九封留給接下來的月份，一轉眼就只剩下三四封而已。

      雖然必須在六個時區之外共度第一個中秋節、聖誕節、生日們、新年們，可是我們知道自己從來不是一個人。

      我想在這個日子裡表達很多的感謝，感謝時間、感謝通識課、感謝黃老師、感謝你的家人、感謝你的誕生。你的生日會像每個日子一樣充滿值得快樂的事，我希望自己能夠保證。

      晚上去了Espoo的美術館逛逛，裡面很大、格局簡單的幾乎像是倉庫一樣，芬蘭的藝術品有許多奇妙的元素，像是鐵絲、機械、吸管、羽毛、樹枝之類的，很像擺飾品或是工藝品但是又比那更突兀、一致、搶眼，雖然還是看不太懂，但滿有趣的。另外一區擺了一位女冒險家從非洲、亞洲各地蒐集的傳統藝術品，五顏六色的很繽紛、很漂亮！在這個用網路找圖片的時代，依然帶來許多新鮮感。

melting

      Winter is a little crowded with holidays, Christmas and two new years, possible birthdays and Valentine's. It is difficult to imagine that Taiwanese people actually celebrate them all! It would be profitable to business but exhausting for people if you want to make every of them unforgettable.

      The snow is beginning to melt already! Unbelievable, everything turn white within one night, and after some days with little snow mountains everywhere, now the road became brown, wet and muddy in one morning. Is the spring coming any soon? Well, I don't care how cold, windy, wet or snowy it can be. Just bring enough sunshine to wake me up please!

星期一

      又是一個新的星期一，在灰暗的光線中起來。早上在圖書館寫作業，然後慢慢走回家。很開心的和姊妹聊了一個下午的天，幾乎都不想去上課了！下了許多雪之後，路況十分泥濘，難以騎腳踏車，在融雪之前大概只能多多走路了！

      晚上進行了第二批的面試，來面試的人從大學新生到社會人士都有，這個組合也太過多樣化了一些，很有趣，但也令我們難以下決定！感覺得到，夥伴們都很認真想要讓社團順利運作，不過沒有傳統可循的工作架構之下總是很容易漏掉重要的細節，協調細節可以花去好多時間和心力。一邊溝通、一邊學習、一邊學習溝通。

sleeping

      Wake up and run, and went back to sleep with own confusion! What am I doing here? Taking class, making friends, looking around, thinking silly questions, doing group work, helping others, preparing for future, feeling blind. There are trivial things which can be meaningless or meaningful depending how you complete them, but no matter how they turn out to be, they are all fighting against each other for your limited time! So I wake up, speak to my partner and did a little homework. Still confused but feel much better. Heading to another week.

Optimistene

      I helped to take photo in an interview about a documentary about a senior volleyball team which consisted of grandmother aging from 66-98. The name of the team is called "Optimistene," showing their courage and enthusiasm. I tried to work with the professional-looking digital camera but I am way too much an notice for that. One of the player who is interviewed played with me and say that I must find a club here! She is really kind but I don't have confidence for that.
      French class, meeting and then go home, plan to study a lot in the weekend!

動機

      今天積大雪！深度大概有二十公分左右，下了一晚的雪之後，赫爾辛基的鏟雪車終於有事做了。到處都是雪堆和清掃的痕跡，有點混亂不過也很有趣，厚厚的雪走起來像是麵粉一樣鬆鬆的，但很紮實。

      中午去吃了台灣大使館舉辦的新春聚餐，吃了很鹹的泰式料理。只待了一下下就趕緊去幫忙社團的面試，我們要和每個人簡單面試之後討論他們的去留。實在很難看得出來，在未來的日子裡，誰會真的願意付出很多。在面對面試時，人們似乎不論如何都會擠出許多理想的動機，但是這些動機能提供多少的動力？這些人們是否有辦法愉快的合作？一切似乎都還很難很難說。